How to Get Past The 5 Reasons People Don’t Ask For Help

Audio Business Tips

Last week I shared some tips for preventing anxiety while trying to grow and maintain your online business. In addition to that in a recent post, I talked about how asking for help is an important skill to have online because you can’t do everything on your own. That’s why there are so many tools, programs and groups to put people together.
Between email responses and blog post comments, I saw a common theme of people saying how hard it was for them to ask for help, so I decided to talk about the problems we have asking for help and how to overcome them.
If you get my weekly update “Things You Missed” then you know we briefly discussed this a while back, but I think many of us can relate to the topic, so I wanted to share it here.

How to Get Past The 5 Reasons People Don’t Ask For Help

Fear of Being Annoying

This is probably the easiest one to spot and the hardest one to overcome. By nature most of us want others to like us and we don’t want to inconvenience them or burden them. But guess what, very few people do things that they genuinely don’t want to do. If you ask someone to do something and they don’t want to do it, then they won’t do it. It’s really as simple as that. Asking someone nicely, “Do you have time to look over my webinar slides,” isn’t annoying. Asking them over and over after they tell you they don’t have time is when you are becoming annoying.
Just because you ask someone to do something doesn’t mean they have to do it. If you remember that and respect their answer, you won’t be annoying.

Extra Tip: Make sure you aren’t always asking without giving. Offer your help or services when you can in return and don’t expect them always to say yes when you always say no. You can do something as simple as making a point to share their content on a regular basis on social media. I’ve had several bloggers take note of this and almost always they seem more perceptive to working with me.

Fear of Losing Control

I know how terrifying it is to trust people with something so close to your heart but don’t think of asking for help as losing control. Instead, think of it as making room to grow. If you need help with something chances are you don’t have the time or the best ability to do whatever it is you need help with. Why spend 2 hours watching YouTube tutorials if you have a friend who can walk you through something in a fourth of the time, it would take you on your own?
Even if you outsource or ask for a helping hand, you are still in control. You still get the final say. I’ve had many friendly conversations with other bloggers about certain ideas. Sometimes they offer an idea of suggestion I love and other times they have a recommendation that I’m not interested in. I’m not obligated to take it, I thank them for the feedback and listen to my instincts in those situations.

They Don’t Want to Look Weak

You know what is weak? Having an ego that is so big, you can’t ask for help. Being able to identify your weaknesses (yes, we all have weaknesses, even Thor) and asking for help is a great sign of strength. What looks weaker? Putting crap into the universe that you did all by yourself or putting something great into the world with help from other people?
Why is it most of the hard workers in the world are so quick to offer a helping hand but so slow to ask for one? It’s a challenge especially as entrepreneurs; we are so focused on our goals that we want to feel like we built everything on our own. The sad part is it isn’t necessarily an arrogance thing but more of a subconscious hazard. You want people to see you as this capable go-getter and that’s fine but be realistic with yourself about your abilities. You should never stop learning.

Fear of Being Rejected

Spoiler Alert! Not everyone you ask for help will say yes. You might hear, “no,” more than you hear, “yes.” I used to work as an insurance agent and my boss would always tell us to get happy when we got a no because we had to get nine no’s before we got one yes, statistically. I don’t know if those numbers are hardcore statistics, but they sure felt real my two years in the insurance industry. The hard part about this one is separating your emotions from their schedule and their answer. They may think you are the bee’s knees but they can’t parent with you at the moment. That doesn’t mean you stop asking people for help and lick your wounds in the corner. The opposite, it means you find more people to ask.

Click To Tweet

Thinking They Can Do It All

You can’t do it all. Suck it up and ask for help. The End.
HAHA okay, I guess I’ll go into further detail about this. As a planner myself I can see how you might let yourself think you can manage it all. “If I’m organized I can get it all done.” We are only human. We all need help sometimes in one way or another and to different degrees. We all have weaknesses and strengths, and you need to be able to admit when you need a helping hand.

I want to leave you with this final thought the same way you want to be well-liked and helpful to people you care about is the same for most other people. Think of the last time someone asked you for help on something you’re good at. I don’t mean when was the last time someone asked you to help them move or for a ride to the airport but when was the last time someone said, “Hey you’re really good at writing, will you take a look at this paper and tell me what you think?” It probably made you feel pretty good. When you ask someone to help you try to remember that you are basically complimenting them, extra brownie points if you go ahead and compliment them.

What is the biggest thing that stops you from asking for help in your online business or even in everyday life?


Dealing With Anxiety In Your Online Biz

Audio Business Tips

You know what’s always annoyed me is how celebrities or media personalities can have a nervous breakdown, go to a facility for six weeks to recover and work through their issues, then return to work and still have their job. The reason that this bugs me is that for the everyday Jane that’s just sometimes not an option (usually isn’t an option). When our anxiety is at an all-time high we still have to find a way to get out of bed and go to work and pretend that everything is ok. If you have the bittersweet calling of trying to run an online business or having a side hustle in addition to your daytime job and other commitments, then you find yourself having to be “on” even more often. For me, while my blog was inspired by the idea that I should write more it also kind of started out of a place of anxiousness and feeling the need to do something. Writing had always been that thing for me, so I decided to go for it. It really was a bit of a catch-22. The outlet and an opportunity to work through things by writing and distracting myself for my mind by focusing on writing were great, but then the new obligations and deadlines were also somewhat stressful.

Dealing with anxiety in your online biz

Make a Schedule

I often have people laugh at how organized I am. They laugh at the fact that I have an alarm for my gratitude journal and that I plan strategic work sessions on Saturday with organized to do lists but what they don’t get is I need these. While planning and organizing this stuff beforehand might seem stressful to others, to me it’s soothing to know what I’m doing and when I’m doing it. Having a clear expectation for your work session will greatly reduce your anxiety and maximize your work time because you won’t fall that rabbit hole of, “Where do I start?”

Create Systems

One major cause of stress in most businesses stems from a lack of organization. If you are constantly recreating the same steps why not put them into place and create a system? Spreadsheets are your friend. I have processes for almost everything I do on a regular basis. I keep meticulous records to make things easier to find. I currently do all the copy and social media posting for my business but in the event, I plan to build out a team and it will be easier to onboard them.
Here is my standard process for a new blog post: 
Brain dump- Write any notes that come to me and think of sections on the topics.
Fill out Blog Post Keyword Sheet  (Wait till post is complete to do social media posts)
Write post
Proof with Grammarly
Read post out loud
Use a headline analyzer and tweak to try to get a score of 70 or higher
Find photo for graphic
Make graphics using Canva- Pinterest and square social media image
Do SEO Checklist
Record and edit audio (if applicable)
Finish Blog Post Keyword Sheet (social media posts)
Log post on proper google sheet then start sharing the post on the places listed on the sheet and marking them as done. These include: Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram (via Buffer), Google Plus, Stumble Upon, etc
Add to the newsletter when for the week.
Add prewritten tweets and Facebook posts to buffer
Sporadically add back to social media schedule

Find What Works For You

We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. If you find a way that actually works for you to do something in your side hustle then stick with that way. This can be hard for a lot of us because A. We either have a hard time identifying what we are good at (this isn’t because you aren’t good at anything, it’s because when you’re naturally good at something or you have a lot of experience with something it can be hard to see it as a talent or something special because you’re so used to it). B. We are constantly victims of shiny object syndrome and hearing new ways to try things. While it is important to stay with the times, there is no need for you to try to reinvent the wheel. You need to grow with your building but do it in a smart way, figure out what works for you, master that then slowly try new ways to do things, if they appear like they will be better or more beneficial.

When you find something that works stick with it. You don't have to do what other's do. Click To Tweet

Knows What Doesn’t Work For You

Does Instagram just stress you out, give you super comparison anxiety and make you want to get in a ball and cry? Then maybe you shouldn’t be on Instagram, or maybe you should change the way you use it. If you are a fashion blogger or have a very visual product to sell, I think Instagram and Pinterest are your best bets for social media. But if you find that Instagram sends you in an anxiety frenzy then you need to create a strategy to avoid this. I would suggest created a social media calendar using a tool like Buffer to schedule and then take your Instagram application off the main screen of your phone and turn off the notifications. Then set times to engage with it. Limit the time you spent, only use it strategically, and if you know, certain profiles are a trigger do not follow them.
If you hate being on video, then you don’t do it. Sometimes the way to find what works for you is by understanding what doesn’t work and why.

Remember You Are The Captain Of Your Fate

The remarkable thing about having your blog or online business is that you pretty much decide how busy you are and how much time you spend on it. By that token, you also determine how successful you are. You get to choose which forms of social media you tackle. How often you post, publish and create. So when you just aren’t feeling it or just can’t handle it and you need to take a break, that is more than okay. Taking the occasional break will not crumble your business, especially if you’ve set up systems beforehand. What will crush your business is having a full on breakdown after you’ve ignored your body’s pleas for a break and rest.
Be ambitious but also realistic. What I mean is dream big, set huge goals but don’t unrealistically pack your schedule because, “she believed she could so she did.
She believed she could create XYZ, so she made a business plan and actionable steps to achieve this. She didn’t say I want to make five figures this month even though my typical income is only $1500. Then think she would make her first five figure month in 30 days by writing and selling 100 $100 articles, in the 3 hours a day she has to write. Not saying it’s not possible, but it’s not very strategic.
If you want to reach a particular goal be strategic and realistic about how you plan to do it. Don’t set yourself up for failure. If you get home from work at 6:00 pm don’t schedule back to back coaching calls till midnight, when are you going to eat? Poop? Sleep? Think about your needs not just your goals. I am all about the hustle but not about unnecessary anxiety.

Ask For Help

This is one of the most difficult things to do for some of us (myself included). We don’t want to be a bother, or we believe we can do it ourselves.
There are so many ways of asking for help; you just have to be willing to do it. Whether it’s taking a course, starting a mastermind group, emailing a friend who has more experience in the issue than you, hiring a coach or purchasing a book. There are so many ways to find help. You don’t have to figure everything out on your own, that is the beautiful thing about the web. Also, it’s all about taking and giving, tonight I have a call with a blogging friend to talk through some of my issues, and then two nights from now I have a call to help a blogging friend out. No one and I mean, no one has it ALL figured out. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and identifying where you need help and not being afraid to ask for it is a great show of your determination to improve.

No one has it ALL figured out. Asking for help is a sign of strength. Click To Tweet

I want to offer my help to you personally. If you have issues with blogging, time management, and your online biz, anxiety or just have a question, you think I could help you find the answer to please drop me a comment. It might inspire a post, email or start a real conversation.

How do you deal with anxiety in your business?

April 2017 Goals

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Yay we survived April Fools Day and the first quarter of 2017! Before I hop into the review of March and April 2017 Goals, I want to do a quick recap of the first quarter. 

2017 wasn’t the great radical life change I hoped it would be. At least it didn’t start that way. As I have mentioned I suffer from anxiety and I hit a really bad patch of anxiety and depression towards the end of January. I have been down that road before and I knew I couldn’t let myself go to that dark place again. I think the last time it got really bad I was maybe 21 or 22 and now on the other side of my twenties I knew I didn’t have the energy to push through and still function of drink my feelings away each night and still bounce back hangover free for work in the morning, like I had in the past. I know it sounds bad but that is because it was bad. This year I went on a search to face my depression head on, without vodka and without avoidance. I didn’t look for one fix all. I started eating healthier, got back into meditation and yoga, found a therapist I really can open to, got strategic about what I wanted, stopped putting up with a lot of other people’s shit and practicing gratitude. That may have been a run on sentence but life is sometimes one big run on.

I didn’t accomplish all my business or life goals but I did rearrange my plans.

Big wins for the first quarter:

  • Got out my free business mapping email course.
  • Lost 24.4 pounds
  • Celebrated many special occasions with my loved ones. Including the wedding of two good friends, the birth of one of my friend’s son and my grandpa’s 85th.
  • Made more blogger friends and have been pretty bold about hitting send on scary emails.
  • Had my highest grossing revenue month as a blogger
  • Got my business taxes done (I don’t care what anyone says, I feel like the real MVP for this one.)

Now to recap.

March 2017 Goals

Objective: Launch and just list build and connect like crazy.

The doors are open my friends until April 10th! 

Personal Goals

  • Read one book

This month I read I Don’t Know What You Know Me From: My Life As A Co-Star by Judy Greer. I know the book got mixed reviews but I really enjoyed it. She is another one of those actresses who you hope will be down to earth and she is. I love how she talks about getting nervous peeing next to Jennifer Lopez while filming The Wedding Planner.

  • Finish the She Means Business 28 Day Plan

I didn’t finish. Maybe it would be better if I stuck to the 28 day plan but I’ve been picking it up when I felt the inspiration and working it in order on the days I want.

  • Do at least one activity a week for myself that isn’t work related.

When one of your best friend’s has a baby and the another has a wedding it’s hard to keep track of if you’ve done anything for yourself. I do think I’ve gotten better about taking care of myself this year. So I’m sure I’ve done this to some extent. 

  • Do my gratitude/goal journal at least 5 days a week if not 7.

Yes! I love this it really makes me think about my blessings. I’ve even started keeping an affirmation journal. So I think this might actually count doing something for myself. Every day I wake up and write 5 positive affirmations to start my day before interacting with any other humans.

  • Keep meditating and visualization

This is pretty much the only way I can get to sleep most nights. Thank God for YouTube.

Blog and Freelance Goals

  • Finish Launch Your Signature Course!

So no. I actually started the program over from the start. I needed to refocus. 

  • Have 555 Facebook page likes

552. Come on guys… give me a like. (In my flirtest voice.) 

  • Have 3325 Twitter Followers

3,374! Awesome! Check out my Twitter account, I am constantly sharing things to help you feel better and blog better from amazing sources. 

  • Have 1160 Instagram Followers

1,222! You may not know this about me but Instagram is my Jam! I also am loving Instagram Stories. Follow me to see my pics, inspirational quotes and hear me ramble about my day in my car on Stories.

  • Have 1020 Pinterest Followers

1,023! You can check out my profile here and follow the boards that you like or the entire profile.

  • Post at least 4 times this month

March 2017 Goals
7 Ways to Stay on Top of Your Side Hustle
5 Things That Are a Total Waste of Time, Yet, Everyone Does Them Daily (On Life Advancer)
4 Lessons I’ve Learned in 2 Years of Blogging (I feel the need to clarify that I’ve actually been blogging a lot longer than 2 years. I’ve been blogging on and off for about 10 and also have a long history of ghost blogging. The two years is just at this level and on this website.)
Learning and Teaching in a Saturated Market

  • Do at least 2 webinars

No. I really hope to get at least one blog done this upcoming month or at least more live streams. I love doing them they are so much fun, especially when done with a partner but I like to promote them for a week and sometimes that part slips through the cracks. Now that my friend’s wedding is over hopefully I can do one soon. 🙂

  • Do auto versions on relevant posts.

I didn’t do every post but plan to go back and add them to the ones I missed.

Health and Fitness

  • Make meals at home 80% of the time or only eat out 4 times of the week.

Did you read the part where I lost 24.4 pounds lol. Yes! 

  • Go to a gym class at least 12 times this month.

No. I have been going on runs but didn’t go to a class this month. 

  • Lose 6 pounds more pounds

I hit a bit of a plateau and got a little wild the weekend of the wedding (how can I not have mimosas with one of my best friends on her wedding day??) but I am back on track. 

April 2017 Goals

Objective: List Building 

Personal Goals

  • Read one book
  • Do at least one activity a week for myself that isn’t work related.
  • Do my gratitude/goal journal at least 5 days a week if not 7.
  • Keep meditating and visualization
  • Have a great sister trip (details pending. We’ve come a long way from Vegas)

Blog and Freelance Goals

  • Work Launch Your Signature Course!
  • Have 560 Facebook page likes
  • Have 3350 Twitter Followers
  • Have 1240 Instagram Followers
  • Have 1030 Pinterest Followers
  • Post at least 4 times this month
  • Do at least 1 webinar
  • Do auto versions on relevant posts.
  • Put together my writing portfolio
  • Publish on another site
  • Get most of my blog posts for quarter 2 written or at least outlined.

Health and Fitness

  • Make meals at home 80% of the time or only eat out 4 times of the week.
  • Go to a gym class at least 8 times this month.
  • Lose 5 pounds more pounds

I am feeling pretty good about the second part of 2017. I have learned that planning is important but so is going with the flow and adapting to the changes that come with that. Let me know what you’ve got going on this month and how last month went. Tell me in the comments.