5 Times You’ll Be Happy You Said No

I don’t know about you but I like when people like me. Okay, I know that doesn’t exactly make me a special unicorn. I think most people have a biological desire to be liked or at least accepted. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be liked, well except for when it causes you to overextend yourself in the never ending task to be a people pleaser.

Let me share with you a quote I’ve had to remind myself constantly throughout the course of my life, “You can please some of the people some of the time but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

The second you realize you can’t make everyone happy the happier you will be.

It is perfectly fine to do things with the hope of helping put a smile on someone else’s face but you have to make sure doing so isn’t putting a stop to your goals or stopping your needs from being met.

So how do you decided when to say no? Here are 5 times you should always give yourself permission to say no.

When The Request Makes You Uncomfortable

When they say, “Life happens out of your comfort zone they don’t mean put up with stuff you shouldn’t. This is a particularly complicated one because you everyone has different comfort zones. Someone might ask you to swing by their pot dealers house with the same carefree attitude they might use to ask you to hand them a napkin. A coworker might ask you to clock them back in when they have to take a long lunch and you might not be comfortable with that. Someone may ask to borrow money and you are strongly against lending money to friends. A brand might ask you to write a blog post for a product you don’t actually enjoy. The best way to know when to say know is to know your own values and be clear about what makes you uncomfortable.

When You Don’t Have The Time

We all have a lot on our plates, it’s the way of the world. We are constantly being pulled on or stimulated so sometimes for your own sanity you have to say no. This is very important if you are trying to build a blog/business or side hustle. You can’t say yes to everyone who asks if you’d like to write on their site (especially if they don’t pay). You can’t babysit your friend’s kid if you have a webinar tomorrow to rehearse for and a date tonight. Don’t overextend yourself.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Make sure you have your cup taken care of before trying to fill everyone else’s. If you have to say no to someone to make sure you are taken care of never feel bad for that.

Because I’m really feeling the analogies today, here is another, it’s like when you’re flying in a plane, they tell you in the case of an emergency to put your mask on before helping anyone else put on their mask. How can you be useful to anyone else if you’re sitting there gasping for air?

When You Feel Taken Advantage Of

There is a fine line between doing a friendly favor and being someone’s doormat. “Hey can you give me the number of a residential realtor at your firm” is very different than “Hey will you list my house for me and take a lower fee than you normally would, since we are friends?”

Not everyone asking you for outlandish favors realizes how much they are asking of you. Often times you will be so good at something or make something look so easy they will assume that is isn’t time-consuming or complicated. I have had people I know in real life ask me about starting a blog and while I don’t mind sharing a few blog posts that helped me or telling them who I host with (Site Ground FTW), or which WordPress plugins I use for certain things but it took me over a month to create the original version of AllTheThingsIDo.com and am constantly spending time to update it as well so, “No, I won’t build your website for you.” I’ll answer a few questions for you, point you in the direction of my favorite tools and courses but people get paid for that sort of thing.

When It Will Cost You

Just like being taken advantage of you should feel free to say no if saying, yes will cost you. If you need to stay home and write some freelance posts for a little extra income perhaps don’t agree to help your friend move that day.

If you are low on funds and someone asks you for a ride but they never offer you gas money tell them the truth, “I’m trying to save my gas until payday. I’m sorry, I can’t.” They will either offer you gas money or understand.

There are times when you will suffer fiscal loss, time loss, or health loss if you say yes to certain things and you need to recognize those times and know when to say no.

When You Just Don’t Want To

I know what you’re thinking okay it’s one thing to say no to someone when you have a legitimate reason not to go to something but you can’t tell your friends, “I don’t feel like it.” Guess what? You totally can and chances are they do it to you from time to time too, they just make up an excuse.

But guess what else, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone and sometimes, watching Netflix and ordering pizza will be more appealing than going to Sunday Funday with friends and that’s okay. You don’t want to be the friend who always says no and never wants to do anything fun but when you want to save money or have me time you are totally entitled to it.

Never feel bad for saying no. There is a difference between being a selfish, heartless, self-serving bastard that only thinks about themselves and being a badass boss who knows that life is about taking and giving and you need balance or you might go crazy. The truth of the matter is when you’re open and honest about saying no most people will get it and if they don’t boo on them!

Saying yes is easy but realizing your needs and standing up for yourself can be hard, just remember it’s your right.

Have their been any times you’re glad you said no? Any times you wanted to, didn’t and wish you had? Tell me in the comments!

54 comments

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Lindsey

I am totally guilty of saying yes when I ‘just don’t have the time.’ This is such a great reminder that I need to put into practice! Thanks for sharing your heart pretty lady!
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Karen

I love this! Often times people say yes out of obligation or because, like you stated above, it is the easy thing to do. When saying yes is hurting you, it is time to reevaluate why you are saying yes in the first place. Saying “No” can be so rewarding sometimes!
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Rhonda Swan

Thanks for this, Dia. It can be so hard to say no, but so incredibly helpful. Keep up the good work here and live unstoppable!
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Scarlett

Just not wanting to is something that took me a long time to be okay with – sometimes it’s okay to just stay home!
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Mama Munchkin

Oh my goodness… I wish I would have learned this lesson a LONG time ago. But, it is definitely something I still struggle with. I have 5 kids ages 3-13 years old, I own three businesses with my hubby and I run my blog. I have A LOT on my plate… and I didn’t even mention 3 of my kids have special needs. So, my biggest problem is realizing I don’t have time to help. At least right now until my kids are older. They need me and all too often I take on projects and it winds up hurting my own family. Great lesson, great tips!!
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Lee Anne

This is all too true, wonderful advice!

XO
Lee Anne
http://www.lifebylee.com
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Amanda

All of those are such valid reasons to say no. Although, learning to say no is something that takes practice and gets easier over time.
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Rachel Ritlop

I love saying no! Haha once I got through the discomfort the first few times I fell in love with it.

Rachel | http://www.theconfusedmillennial.com
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Renee

The older I get, the more I am saying NO! We need to do what makes us happy and joyful! Not what others want or expect us to do.
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Meileilan

Hi Dia. I feel like you’re talking to me on this one. I am that type of person that struggle to say NO. These are such a good insights. Maybe when I encounter a hard decision again, I will Re-read your article, such a good advice. Xoxo
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Lauren

Over the past few years I have gotten much better at saying ‘NO’ and it almost always feels really good! ha! We can’t do everything, right?
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Wenide

I definitely think the first three are a work in progress for me. Great post!
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Clare Speer

I can definitely agree on these helpful tips – I have experienced learning to say no when I just plain don’t want to or don’t have the time… but it took me many years (I am probably older than your mother) 🙂 to really learn to say no and not feel bad. Congratulations truly at such a young age as you are to learn this valuable lesson!
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kp

Saying no is so difficult but these instances are definitely meant for a “no”!
I have a habit of saying I’ll do things at my job that I really don’t have time to do, and then my work quality suffers – it’s not a good thing!
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Alicia Snow

I agree so much! Sometimes it’s hard to say no, but you need to for your sanity!
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Dia

It’s better to say no but sometimes it’s the best for everyone.
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Dia

I think more people in my age group are learning that you don’t always have to say “yes” and don’t always have to say “no”
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Dia

Oh KP! Stop doing that! I suggest if someone asks you to do something trade. “I can do that, if you can take this off my plate.”
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Dia

Thanks Wendie. Just keep working on it.
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Dia

No you have to sleep sometime.
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Dia

Much love your way Meileilan.
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Dia

Haha right, no is so easy once you get used to it.
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Dia

Yes! 🙂
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Dia

It’s funny because some people are no people and some people are yes people by nurture I feel like.
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Dia

It sounds like you have your hands full and have your priorities in order. Keep keeping on Mama M.
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Dia

Yes! For your wallet and sanity!
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Dia

Thanks for stopping by Lee.
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Dia

Thank you Rhonda!
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Dia

I hate the baited info. When someone is like “What are you doing Saturday?” And you know you don’t have plans but don’t want to commit to anything, it’s like can you just ask me what it is you want to ask haha.
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Dia

Awe thanks you for the sweet words Lindsey!
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Aishwarya Shenolikar

Brilliant topic! We should be able to say NO without having to give a reason. All these ingenious points you’ve mentioned are so true! Thanks for sharing! 🙂
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Nicole Parise

Yes, sometimes you need to say no. And sometimes you just don’t want to! 🙂 Thanks for sharing.
xx nicole
http://www.nicoleparise.com
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Brittany

These are so true! There are very few things that I’ve regretted saying no to when I didn’t feel comfortable or didn’t have the time. Great insight!
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Alix Maza

I ALWAYS feel super guilty if I say ‘no’ to something, but if I really can’t do it I feel better about it later on.

Alix | http://www.apintsizedlife.com
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thesocialbeing721

I love this post so much! It seems so simple, but not always an easy thing to do. It’s tied directly to your happiness!! I’d be honored if you’d let me share this on my blog? If you’re interested, please email me! thesocialbeing721@gmail.com. Thanks, Dia!
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candy

I had a wise older friend who told me it was okay to say no. Love this post and reminded me of talking with my friend over 30 years ago. She gave wise counsel just as you have.
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Savannah

Thank you sooooo much for this excellent post, Dia!! Sometimes, I still struggle with saying yes too often. I guess I’m a pleaser, and sometimes I just end up overwhelmed and with too much on my plate. Sometimes, even if it’s just because you don’t feel like it, it’s okay to say no!! Thanks for the reminder <3
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Cori

I think I’ve mentioned it in a previous comment, but having a calendar to refer to and show people (ahem, my mother) that I don’t have time to do something has been the best. Why won’t people just take no for an answer? In my experience, I always have to give a reason or justify something. Annoying.
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Ref J

I love this, it is so timely for me right now. I couldn’t agree more with all that you have stated here especially saying no when you just don’t feel like it. Too often, I believe we commit not because we want to assist but because we feel obligated to say yes. As a business coach, I am frequently reminding my clients not to push themselves too far out of their comfort zone and to listen to their insticts. It is okay to turn down business, not every opportunity is meant to be pursued.
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Valerie

Yes, yes…yes. I’ve said yes too much it’s time to say no.
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Victoria Stacey

Oh, man. I NEED to say no more often! But, you are right. There are definitely times when saying no is 100% worth it, and these are definitely it! I’m finally saying no to things I don’t have time for, or don’t feel comfortable with!
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Dia

That makes me so happy Victoria!
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Dia

You don’t have to! You have to take care of you. If they don’t understand that it’s their issue not your issue. Love to you lady!
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Dia

Right not every offer is for you. Keep spreading the message!
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Dia

Practice in the mirror!
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Dia

Awe thanks Candy!
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Dia

Thanks for stopping by Nicole!
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Dia

Thanks Brittany <3
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Dia

Think of it this way. It’s a few minutes of feeling like you let someone down or possibly hours of doing something you don’t have time for or want to do.
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Dia

I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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Dia

Of course 🙂
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Dia

Awe thanks. Ironically I have been planing on reaching out to you. I’ll message you soon.
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dog names

Thank you for sharing the post. I can say “no” when people want to lend me more money, or help them when I’m busy, but it’s hard for me to say “no” when someone (except my family) wants to borrow the things I like, such as my shoes/clothes/books… although I don’t like that :'( need to try more.
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