Disclosure: Posts on AllTheThingsIDo.com contain affiliate links. For more information see policy.
Be a great M.O.H even if you live in different cities.
Like most people I am and stay really busy, between my full time job, blogging, freelancing, family and friends, I am often overwhelmed. No matter how long my to-do list I couldn’t turn down the chance to be the maid of honor for my longtime bestie Karen. Aside from my long to-do list, being a good maid of honor proved to be even more stressful since Karen and I live about 4 hours away from each other. But being the maid of honor doesn’t have to mean months of stress for you. Your duties can be broken down into 7 different tasks.
Be Supportive
If you’re her maid of honor you know probably know the bride better than most, so you know when she asks your opinion if she really wants it or just wants you to support the choice she’s already made. Give helpful opinions when asked. Help her see the logical side of decisions or just let her rant to you when she gets overwhelmed. Once she has officially made her choices just support it, it’s her day. You may think yellow and red is a horrible idea but it’s her wedding so you will be rocking the yellow dress with the red shoes on her day.
Plan the shower.
You get a little bit of help on this. Because once the bride has registered you just have to get a list, send out invitations and a pick a location. Ask your bride early out for the list of people she’d like to invite and their addresses. Also, the mothers of the bride and groom will often want to be involved or offer their home to host the celebration.
A big part of the hosting the shower is keeping a record of gifts. You are going to be her right-hand for every major event so make sure you have a designated notebook to keep track of gifts, she will be needing that for thank you cards.
Go shopping with the bride
If you aren’t in the same city or state and don’t have time or cash to make a Maid of Honor trip to see her before the wedding, then make sure she knows it is perfectly okay to blow your cellphone up with pictures and Snapchats of things she is considering and thinking of, so she has your support and opinion, which obviously she trusts. Karen and I sent links back and forth in email of possible bridesmaid dresses before she picked a beautiful one.
Talk
Prepare a speech. This may be the task a lot of maid of honors have the most trouble with (Remember Rachael McAdams M.O.H. speech in Wedding Crashers? You can relieve the awkwardness here ).
This doesn’t have to be some Oscar worthy, nerve-wracking speech. You probably aren’t a professional speaker or comedian so don’t try to be. Speak from the heart and watch the clock.
Remember this is not the time to bring up old memories about the bride’s wild past or go on and on about every awesome moment you’ve had together. It’s your chance to talk about how much you love your bestie and how happy you are for her and her new spouse.
Good pattern to follow: Introduce yourself and how you know the bride, then talk about your wishes and hopes for the newlyweds, then end by wishing them well. While it is tradition, this day is not about you so if your speech isn’t earth shattering or tear generating people won’t probably give it a second thought…unless you try too hard to be funny or mushy.
Be the team captain of the bridesmaids
If you’ve read my post “Wedding Day Emergency Kit” then you know that I am a strong believer that it’s the maid of honor’s job to keep the other bridesmaids in the know and on point (if you haven’t read it, you totally should because it comes with a free checklist!). This means making sure they know all the important dates and times for the different wedding events. Making sure they order their dresses on time. And really just trying to take as much pressure off the bride as possible by being the middle man instead of having to make her communicate with all 8 of you on top of all the other stuff she has going on.
A good way to manage this (especially if you don’t know them all or live in different cities) is the start a private Facebook group. Nothing will drive a group of bridesmaid’s more insane than getting mass text messages with responses every 2 minutes. You may think it’s super easy to send a group text saying, “Hey everyone the dress is on sale till the 15th” but what isn’t convenient is when each bridesmaid feels the need to send an emoji showing excitement or asking off topic questions to the entire group when they really only need to talk to one person or sending multiple comments that end up feeling annoying and spammy.
Bachelorette Party
Yes, you have to plan another party. Consider everyone’s schedule and budget here. Sometimes the bachelorette party will have to be 2 events. If your bride has her heart set on an out of town trip or cruise not everyone will be able to afford that, as well as if she has friends not in the wedding they may not want to make the trip out of town, so if that is the case plan a night out with her friends at a local bar, perhaps the night before the away trip or plan a day activity that isn’t so crazy like a brunch or mani and Pedi spa day.
Important note: Regardless of what years of television sitcoms have shown us, you should never have the bachelorette party the night before the wedding, ESPECIALLY if there is drinking involved.
You want the bride to be well rested and excited on her big day not hungover and exhausted.
Be prepared for anything:
Even the best laid plans often go awry… it’s your job to make sure that if anything goes wrong that it doesn’t get any worse.
Bad breath, a stain on a bridesmaid dress before the ceremony, a bride having an outdoor ceremony with allergies….. whatever it may be sure you are ready for it.
Meredith
I had so much fun planning my littler sister’s Bachelorette Weekend, http://semibalancedmama.blogspot.com/2016/02/the-ultimate-bachelorette-final-fiesta.html ! And it is nice because I have two sisters so there have been two maid of honors in our weddings. One of us does the shower and the other one does the bach party! Looking forward to wedding March 12! These are all really good pointers and good for you for making it so important!
GiGi Eats
I’d send this to my sister (he he he) but I have a feeling she knows exactly what to do because she’s awesome! 😉
Clare Speer
I love this! All great tips and these keep the maid of honor in check and in tune for being responsible for everything and anything…. goodness knows a lot of these don’t go as planned! If she plans ahead of time and stays organized like you suggest – everything should go off beautifully… and I think “preparing” a thoughtful speech ahead of time is important…. giving it some thought and being a heartful speech is beautiful!
Missy - Getting Fit to Find Myself
Great advice! I have been a maid of honor twice and it is a lot of work (and fun but a lot of work). Support is the biggest piece of advice! Do what ever you can to support the bride!
I am getting married this summer and am not having attendants of any kind because I know how much work and money it is for the maid of honor and bridesmaids.
Carol
Wow – so much great advice about being a maid of honor. I particularly liked the “be prepared for anything” bit and can see where a helpful MOH could really help problems not spin out of control. I also like your ideas around the bachelorette party. Thanks,
Katie {Always, Katie}
Great list!! My maid of honor is engaged, so I have my little hopes that I get to be hers. 🙂 She rocked the MOH duty, so I’d love to return the favor! I’m pretty low-key, and she planned my bachelorette party appropriately. Girly sleepover with popcorn and s’mores 🙂 Perfect!
Jenny
Great tips!
My MOH needs to read this haha.
xoxo, Jenny
Allison Jones
I hope one of my bestie gets married soon so I can be an amazing maid of honor and use all these awesome tips!
LiveLifeWell,
Allison
Lisa
My Bachelorette party was three nights before my wedding luckily. All my bridesmaids came and stayed with me the night before the wedding also. We didn’t get crazy, but it helped me to sleep easier and worry less.
Justine Y @ Little Dove Creations
I love how you wrote to help her see the logical side of decision, lol. Why do our weddings turn us so crazy?! And I have never seen Wedding Crashers but oh my gosh, that toast!! Looks like it might have turned around in the end. 😀
Courtney
This was such a helpful post! One of my very best friends lives in another city so when the time comes, this post will be a big help!
stacey
I can’t even imagine going to a bachelorette party the night before I get married, I always wondered why it was like that on t.v!
Great tip about the speech– I remember one wedding I was as and the m.o.h gave a horrible recap of the brides wild past and it was extremely uncomfortable for everyone! Big NO-NO!!
brittany
Great tips! This will come in handy 🙂
Kerry
Between this and your list of bridesmaids must haves you must be the perfect MOH! I love how prepared you are! Every bride deserves a MOH like you 🙂
Bree Hogan
Great tips! I’m a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding where I’m the only one located in the same country as the bride. We’ve done pretty well so far 🙂
Dia
Thank for coming by Brittany
Dia
Yes save that stuff for the bachelorette party don’t do it in front of her new in laws
Dia
I’m glad! I’m so glad we have the technology to plan from different cities.
Dia
Oh I love Wedding Crasher’s right before she goes to speak Owen Wilson’s character tells her don’t try to be funny and sure enough she bombs when she tries to be.
Dia
Yeah the “slumber party” thing is fun but not tequila shots.
Dia
Thanks Allison
Dia
Thanks Jenny!
Dia
That sounds nice and chill. My bestie’s is next week, it will be crazy lol
Dia
Thanks Carol 🙂
Dia
You’re so nice! I’ve had that debate of not having any, if I ever get married but we shall see
Dia
Exactly prevention and preparation are key
Dia
Awe I’m sure she will make sure your weding festivities rock Gigi
Dia
I have 3 sisters but there is no way if any of us get married we’d all be the moh …to be honest I’m not sure any of us would pick a sister just because it’d be like saying “your the favorite” although my oldest sister is so great at that stuffr
Dia
There are 8 of us and me and one other one all live outside the city but Karen has been my bestie for over 10 years so there was no way I couldn’t do it
Dia
Awe thanks Kerry. Karen has been one of my best friends since I was 14 years…. so it’s been over a decade of her being there for me so I could only hope to make this day as special as I can for her.