Archive for Life Lessons

Resistance In Life and Business

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In the first new episode of the year, I dive into resistance. The thing that stops us in our tracks when we want to make a change or do something new. This has been something recently brought to my attention in multiple ways so I felt like I had to share.

In this episode:

The truth about resistance:

  1. We resist things as a way of protecting ourselves. Waiting doesn’t always protect you. It just makes you sit in discomfort longer.
  2. When I don’t do something I say I want to do or something I know I should be doing it isn’t because I don’t want to do it. There is a deeper reasons and it often isn’t really a good one.

Ways resistance shows up:

  1. Feeling sleepy
  2. Feeling unmotivated
  3. Being defensive
  4. Procrastination
  5. Over researching
  6. Over proofing/editing
  7. Playing small
  8. Self Doubt

The list of new habits I want to build and how they turned out in December.

Here is a sneak peek at the daily list:

  • Write 5 affirmations.
  • Do a meditation followed by journaling.
  • Do stretches before bed.
  • Do 15 minutes of working out.
  • Drink 1 celery juice in the morning.
  • Drink at least 8 glasses of water.
  • Drink one green tea.
  • Do one lesson or chapter for business growth or personal development.
  • Find 1 thing to sale, donate or throw away.

Questions to ask yourself when you feel stuck and aren’t sure why:

  • Where is this resistance coming from?
  • Is the resistance causing more harm than good?
  • Is letting myself sit in this zone of resistance really just keeping me away from my goals?
  • Is it causing me to play safe or see a threat that isn’t there?
  • What is the worst thing that can happen if I do this?
  • What is the best thing?

Listen Here:

Mentioned in this episode :

Where Did The Good Go by Tegan and Sara

Buddhify – My Meditation App

You can subscribe to the podcast on your favorite platform:

Sticher

iTunes

Google Play

Thanks for listening! <3

Did you enjoy this episode?

Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Now tell me:

  • How does resistance come up for you?
  • In what areas do you see it most?
  • How do you face it?
  • What is something you are glad you stopped resisting?

How I Make Big Decisions in Life & Business

Disclosure: Posts on AllTheThingsIDo.com contain affiliate links. For more information see policy.


In episode 42 of Creatives Crushing Anxiety, I talk about the questions I ask myself before making big decisions. These simple questions help me feel more grounded and snap me back into reality when I’m going down the rabbit hole of analysis paralysis and self-doubt. They really just help with keeping yourself centered and not overthinking or freaking out.

In this episode:

  • The questions I ask myself when struggling with a big choice.
  • Two examples of this method in action.
  • Why we often get stuck in choice paralysis.

Listen Here:

I am an extraordinarily cautious person. Ask my friend and former editor M.L. Scarbrough I have been emailing her for years about everything from researching where to buy my car from what to name my blog. I like to think before I act. I can admit that sometimes I’m cautious to a fault.

One thing I hear and read online a lot is, “just do it.” We get so in our heads that we use being cautious as a procrastination technique.

I want to live stream, but I need to make sure I have all the points outlined first.

I want to start offering services, but I have to decide every single step of the process before I do. I don’t want to get a client and look dumb.

I want to start dating again, but I don’t want to attract the wrong men, so I need to make sure my dating profile is perfect.”

And so on…

The thing is sometimes you just need to dive right in. The problem is deciding when you need to test the waters and when you need to jump in head first.

The thing is sometimes you just need to dive right in. The problem is deciding when you need to test the waters and when you need to jump in head first. Click To Tweet

There are so many options nowadays. In The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz; the author talks about how a world full of options can be more confining than it is freeing. Yes, you could blog, you can start a youtube channel or a podcast. You can host in-person events or webinars. So many choices to basically do the same thing.

We get frozen when faced with so many options that we procrastinate deciding and never move forward.

We get frozen when faced with so many options that we procrastinate deciding and never move forward. Click To Tweet

I came up with a few questions to ask yourself when you get stuck in choice procrastination.

  • Is there a smaller way I can test this out before diving in?
  • What is there to lose if I do this? What is there to gain?
  • Will doing this limit me in the future if it doesn’t work out?

Example 1:

Now to break that down. Let’s say you want to host your first webinar. You’re terrified that no one will show up or worse someone will, and you will be horrible.

Is there a smaller way I can test this out before diving in?

Yes, I could announce a live stream on Instagram, periscope or Facebook and give the talk. That way there is no major setup, and I can practice speaking live.

What is there to lose if I do this?

I die of embarrassment. No one shows up. People show up, and I get trolled.

What is there to gain?

I gain new subscribers or clients. I realize it’s fun.

Will doing this limit me in the future if it doesn’t work out?

No. If it goes bad, I can try again later or try something else.

It’s not some super complicated formula it’s just about checking yourself.

Example 2:

Now let’s say it’s something a little less black and white. In this example, you want to take a job in a new city.

Is there a smaller way I can test this out before diving in?

I could ask if I could work remotely for the first six months.

What is there to lose if I do this?

I could hate it and end up in a city where I know no one.

What is there to gain?

This would be a huge increase in pay. It could propel my career. I can start over fresh.

Will doing this limit me in the future if it doesn’t work out?

Maybe. If I quit my current job, I may not have a position to come back to if the new job doesn’t work out. I could always get another job, and I could try to sublease the new apartment and move home if the move is too hard.

See how you could just calmly look at this. Often when you sit down and write the “obstacles” associated with moving forward you discover they aren’t that scary.

Often when you sit down and write the “obstacles” associated with moving forward you discover they aren’t that scary. Click To Tweet

I recommend doing this after taking 5 or 10 minutes to sit in silence and just focus on your breathing don’t let your thoughts overtake you. Then sit down and ask yourself these questions. The point of them is to make you move forward regardless of your reservations. Maybe you’ll discover you aren’t ready to take the step or that you can take a different one but this way you aren’t stuck.

Stop being stuck. The questions I ask myself when I can't make a big decision. Click To Tweet

Mentioned in Episode:

8 Thoughts Girls Have Online Dating

Episode 26: Processes For A Great Client Experience 

The Big Leap By Gay Hendricks 

The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz 

You can subscribe to the podcast on your favorite platform:

Sticher

iTunes

Google Play

Thanks for listening! <3

Did you enjoy this episode?

Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Now tell me:

  • How do you make big decisions?
  • What was something you recently had to decide?
  • What keeps you stuck?
  • Do you know your upper limit problem?

An Open Letter To The Lady Who Prayed For Me

I was one pound down since my check in two days ago. I told the nutritionist working that day goodbye through mumbled breath and she looked me in the eye and said, “I hope your day gets better.

Thank you,” I breathed and rushed as the waterworks I’d become accustomed to started. I ran to my car and at the same time noticed a car pulling up beside me. I was in full on sobs that would not be stopping anytime soon.

Tap, tap, tap,” I heard on the car window.

I looked up and opened the door to see an older woman I had never seen before.

Yes….I’m sorry,” I sobbed through tears.

Are you okay?

I felt my heart drop into my stomach, “I’m just having a bad day,” I continued to cry.

Can I pray with you?

Yes please.

This stranger grabbed my hands and proceeded to pray as tears flowed out of my eyes.

Thank you,” I said when she finished.

I don’t know what’s wrong and I don’t need to know, but I hope it gets better. Sometimes we need a good cry.

And like that she told me goodbye and walked inside.

I haven’t talked much (if at all) about religion on the blog. Not that I don’t have beliefs, but I just have my personal issues with organized religion and have made the decision to separate that part of my life from this one.

I’ve been having a rough time lately with my anxiety, and on that particular day, I was just counting down the hours till I could be in the safety of the office of my new therapist.  I knew if I could make it through the first 12 hours of the day to that 8 p.m. appointment I would be okay. Ultimately the universe had other plans and I became undone in that shopping center parking lot.

This chance encounter got me thinking about lots of things.

Why did I apologize?

I was having a private moment in my car (albeit in a public place) and she was technically interrupting it but I apologized.

I was apologizing for my humanity, for having a moment of weakness when I allowed the private me to be seen in the domain the public me usually rules. The world where I smile while I’m collapsing on the inside. The me that puts other people’s needs above my own. The me who doesn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable with my problems or emotions.

I realize I had no reason to apologize and that this kind stranger probably wasn’t expecting it.

The kindness of this stranger.

So often we are all in a rush and in our own heads. I know I am, if I’m in a public place, my head is probably turned down looking my phone or a book. I’m not proud to say that if the roles were reversed, I would have noticed someone sobbing in the car next to mine and even if I did if I would have felt comfortable asking if they were okay. I would have probably checked my phone to see how much time was left on my lunch break, in fear stopping to check on a stranger might make me late. Horrible to admit but true. I am positive I wouldn’t have thought to offer to pray for them. This interaction made me want to be more aware of the world around me and the pain of others.

The boldness of her belief.

We live in a country right now where we all value our freedom of speech but are just as quick to browbeat someone who has different beliefs or thoughts than us. That being said, even with the best intentions it can be scary to reach out.

For all, she knew I was an atheist or would get angry or even violent by her offer of prayer. This fear didn’t stop her from offering and trying to make me feel better. I respect her so much for that.

It made me want to be bolder in what I believe and not just in a religious or spiritual sense. They say the road to hell is pathed with good intentions but so is the road to hope and happiness. If you are genuinely trying to help someone I have to believe the universe has a way of putting this in the win column.

So to the woman who stopped and prayed with me, thank you for your kind words, your time, your prayer and your inspiration.

To anyone reading this, if you feel low or down there is help out there. Seriously, you don’t have to wait for a kind stranger to catch you having a dark moment. More and more insurance plans are covering mental health care and if you aren’t covered by insurance there are options including 7 Cups of Tea  and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. You are not alone!