How To Stop “Shoulding” All Over Yourself

Today I’m going to tell you a little bit of a story and then give you a few tips to help you stop doing the thing that I am going to talk about in the story that I was doing. So a little over a year ago, I went to the self-development workshop, it was three days in Austin, Texas with complete strangers, basically in a room 12 hours a day working through all the deep, bad, scary stuff.

I was at this place in my life where I finally quit my nine to five, and I felt like I couldn’t really be happy. I felt like I was supposed to be thinking of the next goal or the next thing to accomplish. And I stood up and I said, “You know, I don’t know what to do next. I feel like I should be thinking of what I want to do next. I feel like I should have a game plan. And I feel like it’s not okay for me just to be content where I’m at and enjoy this moment in time. I should be thinking of the next steps I should be making a plan. I should be trying to advance myself.”

“I’m just saying all these things I should do.”

“Well, why do you need to do that?”

“Well, I should be doing that.”

“But why?”

“I should.”

“You’re shoulding all over yourself.”

Yeah, you’re shoulding all over yourself. That basically means that you are living your life based on what you think you should do, or based on what other people have said you need to be doing and that is so dangerous and so frustrating and so unfulfilling. So today I want to share a few tips to help you not shit all over yourself.

Know What You Don’t Want

I know so often we’re told, “think about your goals, think about what you want.” But I’m a big believer in knowing what you don’t want. That will help you define what you do want. So just knowing what you don’t want, if you don’t want your business to become an agency or you don’t want to have 100 employees or you don’t want to do something, then you will know when you’re on a path to doing that, that you can get off that path. You don’t have to be on that path. You don’t have to start yourself down the path that leads you to something that you don’t actually want.

See If There Is An Alternative Thing You Can Do

So there are going to be shoulds in our life regardless but the difference is you don’t want to should all over yourself. So let’s say that you know you should pay taxes and you should post on social media. Okay, you do need to market your business. You do need to network. But what if instead of doing that Facebook live like everyone else? What if the way that you get your customers is by going to local networking groups? What if the way that you post on social media can be recorded videos instead of live videos if that makes you nervous, so always look for an alternative don’t think that you have to follow the status quo or do things just a certain way. The programs that I find to be the most successful are the ones that say Here are your options, “pick what works for you.” The programs that don’t say you should do this you have to do this.

I’m not a fan of I have to do X, Y & z it’s actually something that I am working on personally, anytime I catch myself saying, “Oh, I have to do laundry today.” I change it to “‘Oh, I’m going to do laundry today.” Just because I find that when you say “I have to” do something. It has this like heavy obligation feeling to it, but it doesn’t feel like a choice or an option. The truth is like, life is full of choices. Like if you want to wear the clothes that you have already ready worn, you probably need to wash them. But that’s a choice. You could choose to buy brand new clothes, you could choose to wear them dirty, you could choose to join a nudist colony. You have choices. And while some choices are more choosy where you have a little bit more wiggle room, like you can choose, oh, I would rather have this car than this car… versus the societal norms of choice like you choose to wash your clothes so you don’t smell like ass.

There are there are different levels, but even so, you’re still making a choice. I’m going against the status quo, but that’s okay. That’s where the magic lives a lot of the time is to go up against the status quo and that takes to my next tip.

Reframe Your Mind

Once again how we saying that you want to switch from the, “I have to” to “I get to” or “I’m going to” which just takes away the fact that it’s, it’s an option or it’s something that you are obligated to do. It’s like I’ve decided that this is what I’m going to do laundry today. If you’re able to reframe your mind around what you should do. So if you feel like you need to come up with a certain plan or take a certain strategy, reframe your mind and think about it like, I get to this, I get to market my business because I have a business because I live in a place where I have internet available to me and I can follow my dreams and I don’t have to live in the normal society. I am allowed to be myself and do these things my own way. So I think it’s just really important to reframe things.

Cut Out The Noise

I know you’re watching a video right now, listening to an audio or reading this post, where I’m telling you how to do something or how to approach something but cut out a lot of noise. Everyone is going to sell you ways to make you do something or tell you that you’re gonna be able to accomplish a certain goal or you need to follow their strategy and, and listen to their steps and everything. But the truth of the matter is, you have to do what works for you and you have to be able to really get clear and I think part of that is knowing what to cut out, what to listen to and what not to listen to. So I always I am a strong believer in meditation. I’m a strong believer in taking silence and just really thinking things over and deciding what feels good to you and being aware of what feels good to you. So just cut out some of that background noise. Don’t feel the need to answer to anyone and don’t feel the need to listen to everyone.

Just Say No

I think so often, we are nervous about saying, no. We’re nervous about telling people, no I can’t participate in that. No, I can’t help you with that. It’s our right life. Like I said, life is choices. And you have the right to choose to say no to something, whether it’s, I am choosing to say no to helping you move, because I have to do some self-care or I have other plans, or if I’m saying no to following your method or taking your advice. And you can do that respectfully. But you have to realize that we get so worried about hurting other people or letting other people down that we don’t spend enough time thinking about are we letting ourselves down. Are we living our dreams down? Are we focused so much on outward approval, that we’re not giving ourselves the approval? At the end of the day, that’s what matters is that we approve of what we’re doing and then we’re happy because we’re the only ones who have to live our life.

I wanted to share this with you and just give you something to think about, I completely invite you to just sit and journal on these ideas. Because there is so much that you can do here. And I think that it’s a really, really beautiful thing.

I’m really, really excited to announce that next week on Tuesday, November 5, I will be hosting a free training, all about aligning your 2020 goals and desires. And this is where we’re going to just really talk about what you want in 2020. What that looks like for you defining your success, identifying the things that are important to you and how they actually line up with their goals. We’re also going to talk about not shoulding all over yourself and how you can reframe your mind and make the shifts that are going to be so important for your success and just defining what success really looks like to you and not what someone else says it should look like to you.
I want you to show up live and I want you to show up engaged because you can walk away with some great plans.

[maxbutton id=”16″ url=”” text=”Register Now” ]

Transcribed by