If you give a human a uterus…

An open letter to people who don’t understand a woman not wanting kids.

Photo From Pixabay
Photo From Pixabay

Imagine you are talking to a girlfriend and you say, “I really want to be a mother one day.” Your friend responses, “I’m sure you’ll change your mind,” or “No you don’t.”
You would probably think it was rude.
So what is the difference from the countless times I, or a woman who has made the same choice, tells someone, “I don’t want to have kids,” and they respond, “I’m sure you change your mind,” or “Yes you do”?
Absolutely nothing!

Stay out of my uterus and I’ll stay out of yours.
I am 26 years old and I’ve made a choice about my body and my future, please stop trying to make it about you.
Your decision to have kids doesn’t offend me, so my decision, not to have kids, shouldn’t offend you.
There are some cute kids out there and I’m not saying that having children is a bad choice, it’s just not my choice.
I like not having to foot the bill for another individual. I like deciding to randomly fly across the country (I’ve done this a few times).
I like knowing that when I go home, I can have a glass of wine (or 3) without having make sure a tiny human eats (some nights are liquid dinner nights).

Gif From Amy Schumer
Gif From  Inside Amy Schumer

I like not having to worry about getting a sitter if I want to have a night out.
I like not having to be tied to another individual by a child if we ever grow apart.
I like that things in my house aren’t sticky and that I don’t have to fight with baby proof doors (baby proof doors are no joke).

Gif From New Girl
Gif From New Girl

I like all these things just like I’m sure people who want to have kids like feeling needed by a child.  The way they like having someone crawl into their bed on a Sunday morning. The way they like hearing someone call them “mama” or daddy or seeing themselves in someone else. (I’m trying to think of cute things kids do and say.)
I’m being honest about who I am as a person, I would never be a teacher because I am not that patient when it comes to explaining things, parenting is a full time teaching job for the rest of your life, for better or worse. My parents taught me behaviors and emotions that they may not have intended or even realized.
I cringe when little kids ask, “But why?”

Gif From Gossip Girl
Gif From Gossip Girl

I don’t understand them wanting praise for the most minimal action like shitting in a toilet.
It’s not that I hate kids, I just only like them in small bits and when I can return them to their caregiver.

“When you meet your husband you’ll change your mind,” and “What does your boyfriend think about that?” 

Gif From Keeping Up With The Kardashians
Gif From Keeping Up With The Kardashians

If a woman is in a serious relationship chances are she’s had that conversation with her partner. Now days just as many people don’t want to become parents as the amount of people that do. No one wants to date someone for 2 years and then discover they have very different opinions on this major decision.

It might be hard to accept but if boyfriend wants kids and you don’t then boyfriend probably isn’t the best person for you, because one of you will end up unhappy.

Do people really think a woman should do something she strongly doesn’t want to do just to make a man happy? If I’m going to push a baby out of my lady business you better believe that it will be my choice.
Another thing, please stop telling me that I may not like kids, but I’ll like my own… that REALLY needs to stop.

Gif from HBO's Girls
Gif from HBO’s Girls

What if I took your advice, had a baby and felt the same way…are you going to take the baby? It’s not a sweater or a pair of jeans I can’t just return it to the hospital like, “I changed my mind. Can I get a refund?” (And the past 9 months of my life back?)
If you’re such an advocate for kids why would you want them to be born to someone who doesn’t want them? To someone who would probably resent them for placing limitations on a life that is otherwise happy?
Aren’t there enough unwanted children in the world?

Just because we don’t want kids doesn’t mean we are dead inside or  immune to their adorableness at times.


Gif From Giphy
Gif From Giphy

You’re childless friends will still go to your baby showers, “like” the pictures you post of your kid on social media and possibly even babysit (I won’t, cause I’m not bout that life but your other friends might). We can still be Aunt Dia and show up for major events like recitals, sports games and graduation. We aren’t disgusted by your kids (not all of us at least). We aren’t going to want to hang out with you less because some of the conversation will be “mom talk,” in fact we might even be easier to make plans with than your mommy friends, since our schedules doesn’t involve kids.  We help you remember parts of yourself that existed before you became a mom and remind you of your individual identity and not just your identity as mom. We might even make you even more sure about your decision of parenthood. (You’re kids can take care of you when you’er old, I’m trying to hustle like crazy to make sure I will be able to cover expenses for post workforce Dia.)
I’m not saying I’ll never ever change my mind because I’m not a psychic, but I’m saying where I’m at right now I’m 100% sure I don’t ever see myself with a desire to procreate.
In fact, as I said in a previous post I am often wrong about my expectations for the future, If I change my mind I’ll deal with it then.
Even if I decide to have them (which I REALLY REALLY REALLY doubt I will) that only affects you if I ask you to babysit.
Kudos to the all the moms out there, you are so important and I’m sure it’s not always easy. Kudos to the women who take the measures to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and are focusing on the life path they want. We can be different and respect each other.

My choice to get pregnant or not is between me, my partner and my uterus! Me not having kids is in no way affecting or disrespecting your choice to have them.

Remember if you give a human a uterus they might not want to reproduce.
So the next time you hear a woman say she doesn’t want kids, don’t try to change her mind or tell her she’s wrong. Instead tell her you respect that she’s made a choice for her future and the fact that she knows what she does and doesn’t want in life.

And if that is too hard for you then as Craig says:




Gif From Friday
Gif From Friday


  1. Mia Stachura

    PREACH! So well said. I’m undecided and I waver back and forth (although I spend a lot of time in the No camp), but this explains exactly how I feel. You get me!

  2. Dia

    I was back and forth but dating someone with a child really helped me decide. I’ve been just by all the dumb stuff I’ve been told the past year. My mom always told us you don’t need a man or kids….see parents are teachers.

  3. Valerie Perez (@shvally)

    Great post! You make a really good point in which no one ever responds “oh you’ll change your mind” if someone says they DO want children. It’s also frustrating that many times people ask “Why?” after you say you don’t want children. It’s none of their business! I personally do want children, but I know that whether you have children or not doesn’t make you any less of a woman – and people need to start learning to respect that.

  4. Dia

    Thank you! 🙂 It is a individual decision and I think making it (regardless of what you decide) is great for a woman. If you want to have kids you can try to prepare yourself before and if you don’t you’ll be more conscious about prevention.

  5. Skye

    I have a kid myself, and I can totally understand how some people just don’t want kids! Just like not everyone wants to go to the beach. Lots of people like the beach, but if you’re just not interested, what is the big deal?

  6. Dia

    Haha exactly! How am I hurting you by not going swimming lol

  7. Tiffany Cardenas

    I don’t know why people feel it’s appropriate to get in other people’s business when it comes to kids. If you did have kids, the comments would continue. From pregnancy (“Wow, you’re huge! Are you sure it isn’t twins?”) to parenting.

    I totally respect anyone’s decision not to have kids. It’s not for everyone. And it’s certainly not a decision to take lightly. Kids are hard and require a lot of sacrifices.

  8. Dia

    Right! To each their own!

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