My Thoughts: I have this resilience about me. I get down in the dumps but I always “try, try again” no matter how scary. I’m that contradictory person who says things like, “I’m one more failed relationship from becoming a nun”…. but then I try again and love like my little glass like heart has never been shattered.
I also try to be forgiving, I guess part of me wants to believe that if you can show someone unconditional love, eventually they will appreciate it and throw less hurricane like conditions at you (I promise this is going somewhere).
I’ve done this to a fault. I make excuses for people flat-out treating me like shit because I want to believe persistence is key and sometimes people just need to push the limits to see how much you care.
The thing with pushing the limits is there has to be some limit. There has to be a point where you decide to let go, where you have to stop trying to prove yourself to people. Prove you won’t betray them, prove you won’t let them down, prove you are different. If you are just constantly jumping through hoops and dodging their emotional bullets to prove yourself you won’t ever be happy.
I ended a relationship that I put everything into, I bent over backwards to try to make it work and it got to the point where I was miserable trying so hard to make it work without getting the same in return. Feeling like someone’s option and not their choice. It finally got to the point where I had to let it go. It was heartbreaking. I was telling a friend maybe I was too hasty about it and she pointed out, “Yeah you’re sad and it’s hard but you were just as sad before. At least now you’re free to move on and see what else is out there.”
With anything in life sometimes you have to ask yourself, “Am I running towards something or just running in circles? Am I getting where I want to be or just wearing myself out?”
*I am not sure who the quote is originally by. I came across it on an article on MindBodyGreen by Shannon Kaiser :